what we could become

conserving oneself.. how does one begin to know what one is supposed to conserve?

At the very limit of what one can handle we retreat to what is oneself…

Adversity,

It doesn’t build character, it reveals it.

We can try to act. Or put on some sort of mask.. but when we are pushed too far. AND WE KNOW IT… that’s where we are. That’s the person we are

Some run, hide, avoid, give in

Some fight, yell,

Some meditate, draw on spiritual energy… but even that meditation, one awakens and does what they are

You do what you are.

Scary.. if you don’t have control over it

And that’s where this mask comes in

We put on the mask so we don’t always have to be what we are. For whatever reason,,, others don’t like who we are… we don’t like who we are.. we know what we’ll do when push comes to shove… so we pray to our god that push doesn’t come to shove and put the mask on while we wait for that push to inevitably come shove

The best of us will prepare. We won’t simply what for hard times to figure out who we are but consciously put ourselves through the hardest of times.. internal conflict… war. With ourselves.. so when the external conflict comes, when war is at the door… we meet it with all of our training. Fully knowing we could lose, but gladly excepting the opportunity to figure out whether we trained hard enough for the moment… if not, it’s back to the drawing board… if so… back to the drawing board. More challenge. More “knowing thyself” more reading, more meditation.. more ALLOWING life to take us where it may so that we understand ourselves and how we act in all situations that life could possibly throw at us.

But the window is small. At each moment the opportunity needs to be taken… because it WILL close.. if we pass up the opportunity too much… it’s not that we stop receiving opportunity, but the opportunities become so small, with so much effort involved to MAYBE learn something, MAYBE make ourselves stronger, wiser, more ourselves… that we cease to see them as opportunities.. we let them go… and that’s that… at that moment we let go of the last bit of ourselves… and still may live a decent life… safe, secure… but always longing to be what we could have become