How to Stop Obsessing

(Especially in Relationships)

The other day, we got a question from someone on a live video:

"How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend’s ex? I keep comparing myself to her and it's messing up my ability to be present."

I appreciated the honesty in that question, because even if you’re not obsessing over your partner’s past, chances are you’ve found yourself stuck—mentally replaying something over and over, unable to let it go.

This question made me think not just about jealousy or comparison, but about obsession in general—especially when it shows up in relationships.

Because I’ve been there. I’ve let my focus spiral. I’ve searched for problems instead of solutions. And I’ve had to learn, slowly, how to shift my attention back to what I actually want to build.

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🧠 CORE INSIGHTS

• Obsession is often just focus that got hijacked.
• You may not control every thought, but you do control what you continue to focus on.
• Shifting focus takes work—but it starts with accountability.
• You can’t solve everything today, but you can start a conversation—with yourself or your partner.
• Healthy relationships require room for vulnerability, dialogue, and mutual investment.
• Inner work outside the relationship helps ground you inside the relationship.

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🔧 FRAMEWORK → HOW TO STOP OBSESSING

STEP 1 → Acknowledge that it’s your focus

It’s easy to say, “I can’t stop thinking about X.” But even harder to say, “I’m choosing to keep thinking about X.”
This isn’t about blame—it’s about taking responsibility for your mental space.

STEP 2 → Do the inner work before the outer conversation

Before you bring it to your partner, sit with it. Reflect. Journal. Ask yourself:
• What am I really feeling?
• Why is this bothering me?
• What am I afraid of?

STEP 3 → Practice communicating without attacking

Once you’ve gotten clear on your thoughts, bring them to your partner with grace.
Not with accusations, but with a soft open:
"Hey, something’s been on my mind that I’ve been reflecting on. Can we talk about it?"

STEP 4 → Build emotional resilience outside the relationship

Work out. Journal. Meditate. Pick up a hobby.
Don’t make the relationship your only source of identity or stability.
Balance in other areas helps you stay grounded when things feel shaky.

STEP 5 → Accept that resolution takes time

Not everything gets solved in one talk. Obsessions have roots—past experiences, insecurities, patterns.
You chip away over time, with consistency, love, and support.

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✍🏽 JOURNALING PROMPTS

• What am I fixating on lately, and why?
• What do I want to focus on instead?
• How can I take more responsibility for my thoughts?
• What part of this is about the relationship—and what part is about me?
• What would I say to my partner if I spoke from a place of honesty and care?
• What’s one area of my life I can strengthen outside the relationship?

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If you want the full breakdown—with all the extra examples and stories I shared—check out the full video here:
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As always, feel free to reply if you’ve got a question or reflection you want to share.

Breathe deep,
Tyler

https://tylergyant.com